Doc and his Burden
by NOT 100 PERCENT GERMAN
Summary: A lame fic about Doc and his nephews. Very offensive. Chapter One


"DOC AND HIS BURDEN"  
  
BY ME  
  
CHAPTER ONE: HORRIBLENESS  
  
*#?????*@!$**@¤??$**%*@*%#?????????  
  
Sally, Steve, and Doc were sipping their tea and discussing the stupidness of war. Their conversation made Sally uncomfortable and she began to cry.  
  
"Why, what's wrong, my dear Sister-in-Law?" asked Doc.  
  
"I might be pregnant," replied Sally as she wiped her tears away.  
  
"Ewww. WTF YOU WHORE!" Doc jumped out of his chair and stomped to the door. He screamed, "If you die, I am not taking your ugly children!"  
  
Steve attempted wrapping his arms around his unattractive, obese wife and yelled, "How can you be so cruel!?!" Doc slammed the door shut.  
  
*#?????*@!$**@¤??$**%*@*%#?????????  
  
"I am NOT cruel!" thought Doc. "ijdg0IASJODIHGSHGAOFIGDFOIHJDA! I'll show them how caring I can be! Actually, I don't care what they think of me so I'm not going to do anything! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That'll show them. HAHAHAHHIOSADOIAHFAHHAHAHEOHOIFD!"   
  
He continued to laugh. Finally, he stopped when Captain served him his soup.  
  
"..." reminded Captain.   
  
"Yes, I know," whined Doc. "I will wash Piggy's cage after I am done eating."  
  
"...! ... ... ...!!"   
  
"No! I won't forget."  
  
"...!"   
  
"I am no liar!"  
  
"... ... ... ... ...!"  
  
"SICK. You're right. We shouldn't fight. We are the only friends we have... or something."  
  
"... ... ... ...?"  
  
"Oh, it was horrible. Steve's stupid wife is pregnant. Ugh. I can't stand to think how hideous those children are going to be. I hope they inherit my beautiful looks and intellect and manners and..."  
  
"...!"  
  
"Of course, I know I am perfect and nobody can be as perfect as me."  
  
"..."  
  
"What's wrong, Captain? You're perfect, too."  
  
":)"  
  
":)"  
  
They continued to eat, and Doc didn't forget to clean Piggy's cage.  
  
*#?????*@!$**@¤??$**%*@*%#?????????  
  
Sally gave birth to two children. One was male and the other confused them. Dr. Einstein decided it was a girl. She named them König Boris and Beyoncé. Steve slapped her and said, "NO!" He renamed them Bob and Brittney. Doc was offended because he didn't understand why his stupid brother wouldn't give them German names. German names are always best! When he saw their beautiful faces, his perspective on them changed. They were so adorable and evil.   
  
Doc gladly babysat them when their parents were gone. He would act out Shakespeare to them. When they were sleeping, he would whisper in their ears evil plans about assassinating Hitler and Stalin and Mussolini. During meals, he would show them surgery and educational films. Every time they shit themselves, he would not only beat them with a sculpture of Hitler; he would toss them in the oven and roast them. That is when he became tired of them. He couldn't stand the girl. She would brag about being sexy and gay. Bob would say every swear word you could think of. Doc couldn't understand where they learned such disgusting words. Obviously not him! That is when he decided to disown them.  
  
Sally and Steve were offended. Doc would not even send Christmas cards to their children anymore! It was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth! How could he hate their little angels? Who would teach them intellectual things? Sally and Steve were obviously too stupid to know anything. Tying their shoelaces is one example. All their shoes had Velcro on them.   
  
Anyways, when Brittney turned 3, she began whoring herself. All the boys at school were in love with her, and they couldn't understand why they wanted to sleep with her. Bob took up rolling weed as a hobby and sold them to Hitler-Jugend for 59.384 Reichsmark. They were the most popular children in school. Everyone, even the stupid "Goths" and nerds, respected them and wanted to be a part of their posse.  
  
One day, Brittney and Bob were talking to everyone how they stole Johannes Weiss's bike and beat him to death with a twig. Piggy kicked the door down and squealed, "Something terrible has happened to your parents!" Everyone gasped. They knew how much Bob and Brittney were devoted to their parents. No matter how rude they were, they still cared for them.   
  
*#?????*@!$**@¤??$**%*@*%#?????????  
  
Brittney and Bob gasped when they got a glimpse of their parents' naked carcasses. Sally's face was decapitated and her body was covered in cuts. Their father's brains were gushing out, his body was bruised, and bags were tied around his feet.  
  
"What happened?" groaned Bob.  
  
"They tried to make Spätzle," replied the coroner. His hands were covering his face. The children embraced him and they bawled.  
  
*#?????*@!$**@¤??$**%*@*%#?????????  
  
"Hell no! I am not taking care of those wretched brats," complained Doc. "I am NOT related to them." Captain slapped Doc.  
  
"!!!!" glared Captain.  
  
"Well..." Doc rubbed his face. "Damnit, Captain. You are very persuasive. I don't think I could take care of them. They are so out of control."  
  
Captain slapped Doc again.   
  
"NF0SGJPogd! Stop that! This will be a very difficult decision. I will have to think about this for a while."  
  
Captain slapped Doc for the third time. His face was burning with anger.  
  
"You know what..." threatened Doc.  
  
Captain slapped Doc AGAIN.  
  
"I've had enough of this crap. Fine, I'll take them, but I am not going to care for them. That will be your job, Captain."  
  
":)"  
  
"Sick."  
  
JOFIDAFIG90IG0S9DFSGF#eregtDF  
  
DID THAT OFFEND YOU AS MUCH AS IT OFFENDED ME BOB AND BRITTNEY ARE JAN AND LUKE IF YOU HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT YET SICK WTF OMG OMG 


End file.
